Tonight, I took a long walk. Alone. I realized, I’m not broken. Hope is not gone. I have everything I need. All it took, was to sit down, in the middle of the road, and look at the moon. These past few weeks, everything came crashing down. I will build it back up, it will take time and effort, but I will. For my Mom, I love you. You do the dumbest shit, and most of the time I feel like you don’t care, but I know you do. To Granny, you mean the world to me, and thank you for helping raise me. To Casey, I’m glad you moved, not because I don’t like having you around, but because you can be your own person. I hope you accomplish everything you’ve always wanted to. To John, you may have just saved my life, so thank you. You ARE my brother, even if genetics doesn’t say so. To Daniel, our future is going to be rough, and you know exactly what I’m talking about. We can prevail man, and we will. To all my other friends, thank you, even if you didn’t know anything was going wrong. To Courtney, you are my world. We are young, well I am. You are a beautiful women, you has her head on straight. Sometimes, I feel awful for dragging you into my hodgepodge of stress and anxiety, but you help me, more than you know. I love you bigger than the tress. This summer, means a lot, because it will be the last time we will be able to spend every day together, except for next summer, if you still want me to be in my life. To Generalized Anxiety Disorder, I want to thank my doctor for discovering you, before you ate me alive. I’m sure the other 6,000,000 people wish they didn’t have GAD, and so do I, but I will overcome you. Life means so much to me, and I won’t give up. So, to those whom hate me, or dislike me at all, I’m sorry, because I’m sticking around for a while. I love life. I love Mother Earth. I love John Morgan Smith. I love Brenda Lee Blevins. I love Dorothy Lee Blevins. I love Casey Jo Elledge. I love Daniel Phillip Rasnick. I love all my other friends: Kalin, Maddie, Kota, William, Danielle, Ben, Slug, Hailey, Brad. All of you. And no I didn’t forget. I love Courtney Leigh Hubbard. With everything in me. Being away from you made me realize, college is going to suck, but you’re still with me, in my heart. Always. So, never forget me, because I won’t ever forget you. And here’s to me getting a sexy Volvo tomorrow. Rest in peace Teal Mobile. You helped me a lot. You’ll never be forgotten. I love life. Yes. I. Do. So, I’ll end this lovey dovey rant. I love you. Everything. Everyone.
The one person that can offer me reassurance and comfort in 6 hours away, and these past few days, I’ve needed her the most. My GAD is all like, I’m going to strike when your lover is gone Matthew mwahahahaha. So, thanks. I miss you terribly Court. I’m always thinking about you. Always.
After all the SHIT, you put me through. You make fun of me, talk endless shit, and make remarks stating you wish I would die? Yeah, let me drop the freaking best girl in the world and come running back to you. I can’t believe it. Wow.
At times I’ve shouted out unprovoked, at the world and you,
Just to see if the people around me react.
Sometimes I think they’re all acting,
At times I’m scared that I’m acting too.
- Why It Scares Me, La Dispute
(Source: swallow-stomach-live)
